Men by Kathy Lette

Author:Kathy Lette
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781409080763
Publisher: Transworld

Procreation

It’s hard enough to get a man to commit to calling you ‘baby’, let alone to having any. The question is: how does a clucky woman go about finding a man who wants to have children? Perfume ads are full of promises of romantic attraction. Obsession says, ‘I’m a fun-loving babe.’ Allure says, ‘You’ll have to buy me an expensive dinner first.’ What we need is a perfume which says, ‘Fabulously Shagable Sex Goddess Who Wants You to Father Her Children, and I’m Ovulating Now.’

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Who would have thought it would be so hard locating a sperm happy to get egg all over its face?

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Some decisions can be put off hundreds of times until they slip your mind. When it comes to commitment to babies, most men are so indecisive they should consider joining Procrastinators Anonymous – except he’ll keep postponing the appointment.

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When you’re waiting for a man to commit, you feel as though your destiny has been rerouted to one of those call centres in India where you listen to mangled versions of all your old favourites. ‘Your call is important to us, but we’re putting you on hold for the rest of your natural life.’

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Don’t wait too long for a man to rise to the occasion, procreation-wise. You don’t want to become a granny test-tube mum.

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Most blokes could hold workshops on non-occasion-rising.

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Your only commitment will be to an institution for the criminally insane for ever thinking you wanted to marry a commitment-phobic man like him.

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